Couple Therapy

In Couple therapy, I help you to have the difficult conversations that need to be had, to reconnect with each other, so you both feel heard and to rekindle your love story (if that’s what you want).

Falling in love is one thing, staying in love is another thing entirely.

So often when a couple falls in love, there is a great attraction, we feel high, we’re on our best behaviour and having the best time ever and hormones are running rampant, which helps with the great feeling. Then as life continues, there is often a point where people realise they’re not getting on so well, attraction has waned and the conflict seems to be rising. It is common then, to end up wishing and waiting and hoping that it will be how it once was again. This can be where affairs and betrayals occur, as that high, good feeling is sought. The couple may not know how to reconnect, how to communicate, how to resolve conflict, how to deal with the differences and will think that there is something significantly wrong with the relationship. With thoughts like, it shouldn’t be like this, it didn’t used to be this way, what’s wrong.

With some help, people can find a way forward into a deeper love, into a more conscious interaction, into nurturing the relationship. It is also important at this point to realise there are 3 parts of a relationship that need to be tended to. There’s each individual and there is the relationship. Often when people are not happy, they will look to the other person or to the relationship to blame. This creates a dynamic and tension in the relationship.  It is important to be aware of each of these entities in the relationship. All of which needs love and attention.

I work with people to express themselves more openly, to learn to communicate, to tap into the underlying issues that are beyond the everyday issues and to uncover the love story. I assist people to make conscious agreements, to learn to understand each other more deeply, to hear each other and to listen to each other. I encourage in session that each person speaks so the other can listen and listen so the other can speak. Taking the blame out of the communication, which is often hard to do in the thick of things, when both people are upset.

When moving into a longer term relationship, the dynamics of our family of origin become more apparent and the hurts from the past can and do come forward into the present relationship and often these need to be brought into awareness, so that they don’t unconsciously play out. I help couples to do this too and to heal and create resolution, within themselves and within the relationship. Experiences for example of abandonment, neglect, withhold, avoidance of conflict, not having had one’s voice validated, abuse or whatever it might be.

Every relationship is a cocreated thing, it is helpful to remember this and that it is hardly ever, if ever a one-sided problem.

I work with partnerships where communication is an issue and both people are committed to resolving this and learning how to be together in a more fulfilling way.

I work with partnerships where one or both are wanting to separate.

I work with partnerships that are wanting to face and overcome betrayal, whether that is staying together or separating.

I work with partnerships where the differences are starting to feel like they outweigh the good times.

I encourage couples to bring the difficult conversations to therapy.